Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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