i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
