I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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