wakey wakey hands off snakey
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
