You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
