just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
