I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
