Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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