I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Randomize
