guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
