im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
