I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
