She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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