Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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