last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
