You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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