I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
