So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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