her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
