Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
