its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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