It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Randomize
