Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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