You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
