the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
