I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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