Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
