My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
false alarm, still single
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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