What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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