i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
