My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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