he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I believe in your delicious
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
