it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
