I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
