I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Randomize
