Kiss
Puke
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Randomize
