so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
