I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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