I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
