I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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