He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
jump out the window naked night went bad
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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