This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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