i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
