I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
