Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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