just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Randomize
