Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
