C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
