Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Randomize
