I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
