Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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