You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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