ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
