I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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